I know I’m incredibly behind in my updates, but to be honest, vacation has put me in a very lazy mood. Which is a good thing, of course. At this very moment I’m feeling very lazy and sleepy, but I will do my best to detail the blur of the past three days.

Monday, July 25
The Louvre. What a humongous structure. I had no idea that I’d spend the next three to four hours of my life in an art museum seeing some of the most famous pieces of art in the world (Mona Lisa was too small, in my opinion). Alexandra, on the other hand, had no idea she’d be exposed to so much nudity in such a relatively short time span either. The scenarios went something like this:

(Enter new exhibit) Alexandra: “Naked women! GROSS.”
Next exhibit: “UGH naked little boys.”
And the next: “I’m sorry, but what was their obsession with naked people? That’s just GROSS. GROSS. GROSS.” This continued into the next day when we went to see impressionist painters at the Musee D’orsay. “Seriously? I don’t want to look at that woman’s chest AGAIN.” Good thing a trip to the nude beaches isn’t on our agenda.

Post-Louvre we ventured off to various parts of the city. I was bummed to find out that day that my personal souvenir shopping would be limited due to the unGODly exchange rates here. $50 for new mascara? No thank you. The big event of the day was our guided car ride through the streets of Paris by two cousins, Felix, 24, and Stan, 22. My mom and I ended up with Stan, who mumbled his way through the tour.

Mom: “Oh that’s beautiful! What is it?”
Stan: “That is a church, ma’am.”
Mom: “Uh…yeah, I know, Stan. I can see that. WHICH church?”
Stan: “Oh. Uh..”

It was off to a great start…except it barely started to begin with. We piled into the 1984 Citroen 2 CV (at least that’s what I believe it was) with Stan while Alexandra and Russ hopped in with Felix. To our delight, he already had a bucket of not-so-chilled champagne waiting for us! As he turned the key…as he turned it again…as he…as he turned…it wouldn’t start. Not one bit. But what are cousins for? Felix came to the rescue, pushing Stan’s car, Stan, my mom and myself through the horrifically packed streets of Paris in two cars that, as we learned by the expressions on every pedestrian’s face, do not exist anymore at ALL. The pedestrians and cafe diners LOVED us! They snapped photos. They pointed. They stopped dead in their tracks. It reminded me of driving through a herd of cows who refused to move–they were so dumbfounded by our cars! An hour into our drive and two glasses of champagne later, it was time for a pit stop. I found the public restrooms outside of a beautiful church that overlooked all of Paris. But, to my dismay, the clerk inside of the restroom wanted five euros. I didn’t have five euros! He said it’s okay, you can pay after you pee. Well, after I left the stall, I saw he was distracted by two cute girls. It was my perfect chance. I darted out. “Madame!! Cinq euros!!!” No. Way. Mister. That is ridiculous. In America we go for free (except in Johnny Rockets restaurants, where it costs a quarter). I darted out of there and back to my luke warm champagne car tour. By the end of it all, my mom and I still had over half a bottle left. I’m currently looking at it right now. Apparently the maids didn’t take it upon themselves to enjoy the rest of it while cleaning our room. Oh well.

Later that night we stopped at a little street-side cafe for dinner, which very much mimicked the taste of my meal on the airplane. That’s not a good thing. I believe I passed out right after that meal. Like I said, these past few days have been a blur.

Tuesday, July 26
Tuesday was really just a bunch of museum hopping and window shopping (rhyme unintended, I swear). I finally bought a practical work-related blazer for my unemployed self, then went back to the hotel to shower and take a much-needed nap. Later that day, we ventured over to Sainte Chapelle, a church with incredible stained glass windows.

It was beautiful. Afterward I realized I was exhausted, so I found myself a Red Bull to sip on (I KNOW I need to stop drinking them, I felt nauseous afterwards). We ventured back to the hotel, tidied up, and walked next door to a delicious cafe. Of course, the menus at these places are complicated, so my family and I usually turn to Alexandra, “the secret weapon,” as guidance. But she refuses! “You guys put so much pressure on me! I can’t handle it!” But, Alexandra, I just want water, how do you ask…”Sir, can she get water?” “No, Alexandra, in French!” “But I don’t want to!”

Finally, we got her to come out of her shell, and our waiter was so thoroughly impressed, he proposed to her. She was beet red for the rest of that meal. Maybe I was slightly jealous of her early collection of marriage proposals.

Nah.

Wednesday, July 27
We shopped all day long today. Really, that’s about all we did. I’d love to share a more exciting moment, but I have none. We did have a delicious dinner by the river tonight, but tomorrow should be more interesting. We are going to go to Notre Dame in the morning, go see several beautiful gardens, and top it off with the Eiffel Tower. Voila! Then it’s off to Versailles!